mind at work

Let him knaw
and let her chirp
for i can't sleep
my minds at work

Let it breathe
and let it hurt
let it turn
my mind at work

Let it roll
and let them drive
let the night life
be alive
I'll catch my sleep when
moon gives way
when birds awake
my head I'll lay

but loons fly low
and evil lurks
so in the night
my mind it works

But all is calm
when eyes are wide
behind my lids
no thought can hide
the wonders of the earth are clear
my mind it works
when night is here.

oh me oh my oh summer

As it comes to an end
of summer is it
in awe and gaze
and wonder why it
is i want to be so
damn uncouth so
raw filthy
like the boys
and the dog days
and the cut-offs of summer
the bare foot journeys
that chased off the hunger

the satisfaction that came from depression
the feelings of love
that bordered obsession
the rains
the flood
the river
the mud
the great scenes from the grass on my back up above
the dark man who chased us
the white moon who saved us
the curious prophet whos knowlege amazed us
discovering God who was already there
the smells of the summer
unwashed from our hair
of sweat
of weed
of grass
of wind
of romance
of perfume
of long distance friend

some things you think
they never will end
like summer
but somehow
the rule never bends
the summer it waves
with fall it must blend
the moon will stilll rise up
but fun will descend
the bronzes will fade
the clothes put away
and we'll watch the sky
for the next summer day.

OUT! OUT! You demons of technology!

I jog outside at night. Last weekend I camped under a bridge in downtown Tulsa. I talk shit to women at slummy bars. I sing karaoke...and am terrible at it. But I do it. I can do it all.

but I can't bear THAT. It's just too terrifying.

Always someone telling me I've forgotten to do something. I never hung out with them. I stood someone up on a date that I forgot about...okay maybe I didn't want to go because honestly, I hate dates.

But not as much as I hate that... I just can't bear it....it's too terrifying. Always 'hi this is so-and-so with so-and-so and you haven't paid your credit card.' or 'hi this is I-met-you-at-louies-guy and i bought you a drink and you didn't go home with me' ( haha!!) or then there's Norma, the Jehova's witness I met nearly six months ago at JiffyLube.

Don't ever give your number and home address to a Jehovah's witness.

I can pick up snakes. I can go through the house and check all the closets. I can SWASH back the shower curtain real fast to prove there is nobody back there. I can make the dangly spider hang from my finger as I try to run outside faster than the spider can close the distance.....I can do all this.

but I can't do that....it's just nerve-wracking. it makes me sweat. Hear that sick little clack clack click? Tooth against fingernail.

Always Deana with meals on wheels....wondering if i can drive like, yesterday. my ex, wondering if I died. My mom, wondering if my ex has killed me yet. My mom again, wondering if I'm wearing my seatbelt at that very moment. My mom AGAIN. My dad...always the same, he always begins "Kierston, this is your dad..." (no shit dad). The rest of the message might be the same every time too. I don't know. I don't ever make it that far.

I can't. I just can't. It's too terrifying. I have to press 7 7 7 7 7......and more 7's... 'delete, delete, delete,"
i say it out loud.
'delete, delete, delete."
while pressing the sevens. cutting off the voices. without even hearing them usually.

But then there's the reward. My favorite ones. the ones I have saved that play after the scary ones.

like the one of my brother and drew singing happy birthday to the tune of batman.
"Happy birthday, da-na-na-na-na-na-na!
it's your birthday, da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na!"

and the ones from boys with nice voices. cute boys, with nice voices.

and the drunk dials. like when shannon left the whole chorus to 'smack that'

and the ones for the wrong person. usually for someone named jamie. Always drunk messages....people drunk enough to keep talking to the wrong person after hearing the personalized greeting....because Hi this is Kierston sounds nothing like Hi this is Jamie leave a message....and they talk anyway, not to me, but to Jamie. funny.

but not. That little VHS tape/envelope-looking icon at the top of the screen. It stares at me. It mocks me. It says to me, it says;

'you didn't answer your phone and somebody has something to say about that missy. And i'm not a gonna gowa way until you hear them out'

But i can overcome. I have a brand new dance! I have the sevens. Seven seven seven! delete delete delete! Out you beasts, OUT! I have an old priest and a young priest! Holding the phone away from my head, I press the sevens! Ha!

Don't beep at me when you want to be plugged in, I say when you eat!!
Don't tell me when I have to listen to people, eff you!

I am the boss, the master of technology. We are the masters of technology. We can conquer our phones! What a feat! And what's next!!?? The world!?

weary prodigal daughters

life is full of scandal
you should not prey on the hopeless
or the followers
or the weary prodigal
weary prodigal
hear me prodigal
daughters

Youve got a head
you know how to use it
go out in the world
dont come back till you proved it

branch off from your mothers
you girls with no fathers
you weary prodigal
weary prodigal
weary prodigal daughters

talkin' paul mcartney blues

these days i drink more coffee
and smoke more pot than ever
I paint on the walls. I make collages
of old Mick Jagger
looking at young Mick Jagger
and young Paul Mcartney
blowing smoke on old Paul Mcartney
on that stupid new album
(which was played at starbucks all over america,
for 24 hours non-stop)
Old paul would have hated that.
Old me would hate me.
I wonder if I am ever supposed to find out WHY.
I dont consider myself dumb...
I am not completely unlikeable
I love dogs...and smart boys.
i am fairly strung out.
probably because I drink too much coffee
I just like coffee
but no so much Starbucks
anymore.
damnit.

derek. (i think)

well i thought youd be back
but you werent
werent cha?
well you are just a traving boy
arent cha?
all dirty with plaid and a tent
all looking like oliver twist-ish
with a guit-fiddle and a mountain harp
or maybe we'll just go ahead and say
like something of a young Dylan
or a young Dylan channeling woody guthrie
well
either way
you asked me my name
your eyes were so charming and blue
and all i could say was just that-my name
when i spoke back to you
but what i really wanted to say was
take me with you
traveling boy because you do
you do have better places to be
than here
waiting for me
me who perfumes
before visiting the vending machine
in hopes that i will breeze by you
and your friends will look too
and youll get jealous..
well at least that how it happened in my head...
but you broke me
and i was too shy
to ask you twice
and i still dont know why
i was so defenseless against you
coming in from san fransisco
God bless san fransisco
rolling em out like a red carpet
except more like a VW bus
still red
but not as flat
and not as classy
maybe ill see you
on the side of the road
ill probably just leave you
nobody takes my heart home.

head is in the mountains

feets is in the flood

save my child from sinking

in the oklahoma mud

we knew shed run off someday

didnt know so soon

finally im okay

okay

stretching toward the moon

life is a hometown hell

his head is in the stars

each day he finds here

less and less

that holds him in the mars

i knew youd run off someday

hey now

still dont know how soon

youll join me any

day now

stretchin for the moon

hard as you...fast as you...i can break..your heart too

remember when my panties matched those little palms on your sheets?
and the fun-bump we hit
tearing down the country streets
behind your parents..
but they were never there
but even if they were
we're impossible to catch
right?
I mean at least we thought
so
we were a couple of rebels...punks
hiding vodka in the bushes
and the mixer in your trunk
hiding nothing from each other
except i didnt tell you
that the fun-bump
actually scared the shit out of me
cute.
and you didnt tell me
that you slept with my friend..
cute..
but I was always safe with you
when you would drive me
i was always safe with you
at least i thought...
i thought i knew..
you
throwing back your long hair
to that stupid fucking song
i dont listen to
you
thats when i knew that i loved you
and i knew youd be glad too
and i wanted to tell you
that day you came to school
with a headache
youre a smart boy
but not smarter than me
i made you a new headache
sent you to your knees
you begged for forgiveness
cute...
baby's first 'please'
i'll give you forgiveness
but you'll never have me.